What is your secret super power?

What is one of the most important and life changing realisations you can make? Or to put it another way, what is your secret super power?

This quote was shared by a friend recently on Facebook. For your secret super power is of course CHOICE.

How often do we feel that we have no control over events that are happening to us? This can be in a multitude of ways –

…how our boss or a colleague treats us

…how busy our schedules are with important commitments

…your teenager strops and their behaviour is challenging

…the lack of interest and engagement from our partner

…piles of never-ending clutter in the house that grow by themselves

…lack of opportunity to really show our worth and skills

…we’ve been badly wounded by someone who is yet to apologise

These are all valid scenarios [and incidentally, all are situations that clients have brought to coaching]. And there are large elements of lack of control in all of these. We cannot control the behaviour of another – at least not without using force or manipulation, both of those being A Bad Thing.

But if we react to these situations with passivity, with a ‘this is how it is, there’s nothing I can do’ attitude, then we remain powerless and stuck. Dare I say, victims [ouch, sharp intake of breath].

How often do we find that the voices in our heads seem stuck on repeat?

“I’m so busy, I never have time for…” “My boss is so horrible to me…”

“This is the same argument, I’m tired of him/her never listening…”

“I’m always overlooked for opportunities…” “I’ll never get to the end of this….”

“They have no idea how hurt I am, I can’t get past this until they apologise…”

What is it going to take to break that negative tape and choose another one?Because here’s the thing. You and only you can change the one thing over which you do have control:

You.

You are busy and never have time for things that are important. Well – who controls your schedule? You do. This is about deciding what is most important and setting good boundaries, and practicing saying no.

Your boss is horrible to you and you seem to be overlooked for opportunities. You can’t change your boss, but where can you be proactive, seek to positively grow your influence, be kind and use your skills to your best ability?

Your partner rarely shows interest or engagement in you and your relationship is stagnant and stale. You can’t control him/her behaviour but you can choose to speak his/her love language. To choose to love and show love even when you don’t feel like it. To prioritise times together to reconnect.

There are never ending piles of clutter in the house. Well, stop talking about how frustrating this is and do something about it. Lots on how to do this here. 15 minutes a day, tackling one area at a time. Get help from an objective kind-but-firm friend. Create systems that you like and that work for you. But don’t say you have no control over this.

Your teenager is a grumpy, self absorbed non-communicative walking nightmare. Tricky and exhausting. But put yourself in their shoes. Imagine how unstable their world seems, how their hormones are going nuts, crushed under the weight of exhausting pressure and expectation. And without the social or emotional maturity to deal with any of it yet. Ask yourself, what do they most need? How can I best love them and provide security and stability for them? This is something you can do.

And the hardest one perhaps. How can you move on from the hurt you received until that person says sorry and shows remorse? Well, here’s the thing. They may be unaware of how hurting you are. And you are the one living behind bars, not them. Bars of hurt, unforgiveness, perhaps bitterness. Of course this is not easy, and it is important not to minimise what has happened. But at some point, you can use your secret super power – the power to choose to let this go, to forgive, and to break free. You can’t change them, nor can you change what has happened. You can change your response.

You CAN choose to be proactive.

The power to choose: your secret super power. Stop living as if you have no choice and no control. You do – over yourself.